Oh man this is a very spicy but relevant topic for us. We've been battling a Crohn's flare up for MONTHS. As in five whole months. That is a very long time to be in tension, stress, "off", and totally out of your normal marriage element.
It always makes me feel a little less dysfunctional when someone just blurts it on out that they are not perfect (psst...no one is no matter what you think!). So here is the real raw truth of our 5 month health battle:
We have fought.
A lot.
More than I wish were true.
I've literally been frustrated that Ryan wouldn't walk faster, respond quicker, feel better, help more, and sleep less. I've been mad at his words, when he was sinful, because I'm sinful, angry at the situation, and sent into a frenzy over a million things. Some of these fights were legit, requiring a good dose of our energy to heal and communicate. Others, were simply ridiculous and a testament to how messed up I really can be.
So here is the reality-chronic illness puts a great and often terrible strain on your marriage. I feel like just 2 years into our marriage, Ryan and I are still just learning who the other person is and how to "fight fair" and communicate well, let alone juggle all that a health crisis reveals. But here is what I do know when chronic illness causes fights:
Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13)
It's ok to argue in this season, there is nothing wrong with you two!
But still love each other radically, apologize sincerely, forgive quickly
The more often and more deeply we communicated, the stronger we were
A husband desires respect and a wife desires love, especially in this difficult time
Finally, this season was designed for you so get on your knees and ask God how to thrive
From our "expert opinion" on how to be dysfunctional (ha!), we hope you know that there is grace abounding waiting for you. Fight to remain strong and healthy in your marriage. It's the most important relationship you can nurture in this time. Cling tightly to each other and the Lord. We're still leaning how to do any of this...
With JOY and dysfunctionality,
R & C
So praying for you as I read this, Carly and Ryan. As a "veteran" of 42 years of marriage part of which were plagued by chronic illness, I can identify with the way daily, repetitive health problems magnify every other element of life. I love your honesty and your resolve. Bless you, Gail
ReplyDeleteGail I didn't know that you and your husband had battled Chronic Illness!! I would love your wisdom (maybe an e-mail if you have time, carly.erin.decker@gmail.com) to know how you overcame it. I want to stand on your shoulders of wisdom in this season, because you obviously allowed Jesus His way in your life and are now 42 years strong because of it :)
DeleteOh I love you Carly and think about you guys daily. And I LOVE this post. :)
ReplyDeleteLove you too Laura! So glad you are reading here!
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